002: Advice to Moms Who Want to Feel Confident in the Midst of Chaos
TRANSCRIPT / SHOW NOTES / IMPORTANT LINKS BELOW
All right. Welcome back. I'm so excited! Welcome to episode number two; exciting things are on the horizon. So what I'm going to talk about is just some keys to having a productive week. There's just so much uncertainty in the world right now, and it's super hard to remain focused.
I’m not saying this lightly, especially if you are going through an unplanned pregnancy. We all have some heaviness in the world right now, and we're all going through different things. So I want you to stop for a second and think, are you feeling out of alignment? You know, are you struggling to kind to make something work because of what society is telling us and what we should do. Um, I want to share one key story from myself earlier this year.
Dealing with life and making some big decisions because, you know, as you go through an unplanned pregnancy, this is the first step of defining who you are. And I talked about this in episode one, and it's a pivotal moment to learn how you're going to process information. You're going to have tools and insight as to how you're going to move forward in your life with other difficult decisions that you have to make and how you're going to pivot. And, really, just come up with a plan that essentially is going to work best for you. And that is driven by your internal map, your guidepost inside for me, that comes from God and the holy spirit. Um, so those things are coming from me. So as I had mentioned, so I had a challenging conversation.
I just had so much going on at the beginning of the year. You know, I had a fantastic job with an excellent growing company that a lot of people on the outside thought I was kind of crazy to say, Hey, this really might not be the best fit for me because I had worked so hard to get to that level and wanted, you know, I liked the notoriety. I wanted people to think as if I had somehow made it, but I was constantly feeling just this deep disconnect between what I really should be doing with my life and how I'd be spending my time. So, I want to share just, you know, a conversation that I had with one of my friends because God put people on my path. I had some intense, insightful conversations with people that were not quote-unquote in my close friend circle, but they were people that I felt like I needed to open up to and share some intense things that were going on in my life.
And to help me find my way kind of back to, you know, life and where I should be going because there was so much friction and so much uncertainty. And so if you feel that because I felt this throughout many times in my life, I felt it whenever I was first pregnant, I felt it whenever I had to decide to get divorced, I thought it, you know, leaving jobs, starting new jobs, you know, any, any of these big kind of life moments, it kind of stops us on our tracks and we have to figure out exactly what we want to do and where we're going to go. So I shared with my friends some profound personal things that were going on internally, and, you know, she was so forthcoming. And so frank with me, and I appreciated the conversation because, you know, constantly we surround ourselves and even our closest of friends or family can mean well and try to protect us, you know, as we're stepping and making changes and moving on in our life, everybody wants to kind of watch you.
They want to make recommendations for things they know that they've worked for themselves and then have a hard time figuring out, you know, your path is going to look different and how you're going to come to those decisions and, and action. Some of the items that you need to make, you know, that you need to take action on. And so finding people that are going to be brutally honest with you and be very frank with you is just so key. So this friend of mine I had to have some tough conversations with, and she point blank told me that I was not living a life out of obedience and that I needed to study. She steered me towards dear Deuteronomy in the Bible and just laying out what that would, what that looks like when we're not living in obedience.
And so I can attest that I haven't been living out of obedience for a long time, and I'm still, this will be something that I have to live through and work around until the day I die. I mean, I think we, we all will, we all have different things that we have to struggle with. And that moment was really the tipping point for giving myself permission to start really trusting myself again and start having to put myself out there and have conversations that I did not want to have. I don't like confrontation. I don't like, upsetting anybody. And I'm very much a people person, but it got to the point in my life where I couldn't people please anymore. I had just; things were not working, right. Things were not going well. And so, you know, I just want you to stop and grab ahold of what that thing is right now.
That's popping up in your head that, you know, you need to address, and you don't even know where you're going to begin or what you're going to do; think of if there's one person in your life that you can turn to and talk to because I'll tell you this person that I spoke to, it was somebody that I met through, um, an agency. We kind of worked together on a project and just clicked and then just kept in touch. But we weren't like super close friends, but that's who God put on my heart for me to reach out and have this conversation with. And it, I will tell you, it was, it was life-changing. So think of that one person. And if it's somebody you haven't spoken to in a long time, it's somebody you might not really know very well, but you feel a connection to them, and you feel trust,
Feel a sense of trust with them and that you need to get what is on your heart and off to this person. I would advise you to, to try it. You know, you can always kind of start talking. And if you feel like the conversation is isn't going to be healthier, it's on a safe space to share whatever it is that's going on in your life. Then, you know, you can always pull back, and you don't have to do it, but there is power in shedding light and putting light into the darkness and really being honest with what we are, what we are feeling. So I would highly highly recommend that. And then, um, I wanna just kind of touch on. So, you know, I'm going to keep this shorty episode because I don't want to inundate you with too much information, but another way to really kind of step and reconnect with God.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I use the three A's from recovery a lot. That first step is awareness. The second is acceptance. The third is action. So again, you know, whenever we're starting anything new, we are gonna be, things are gonna be coming our way. They're gonna throw, be thrown at us. You know, for me, it was per, per perfectionism could be your origin story, imposter syndrome, not feeling like you are enough. You might wake up in the morning one day, and you are just praising yourself, and you're super excited, you know, you've you, you accomplished something, and you're, you're ready to go. You're ready to set forward in the day. And you feel really good and optimistic about what you are going to do. And then, by the afternoon, you could be second-guessing everything you're doing and questioning why, what, and what was I thinking?
And, you know, kind of checking out on doing some things. So, God wants us to trust him. So this process is meant to help you understand exactly where you are. You know, you're shedding that veil of denial, and you're going to let that holy spirit, your higher power, God, you're going to let him speak into you. And that's the only truth you're going to get out of this world. And you're going to let that just resonate and sit with you. So, so three a, so wherever you're at right now, whatever you're going through, if it is an unplanned pregnancy, if it's, you know, making a decision in a relationship, whether it's a career move, whatever you have going on, I highly recommend you just think about these three A's and you know, it really can be summed up in, in the serenity prayer, if you don't know, or aren't familiar with the serenity prayer, it's really, really simple.
It's God grant me the serenity to accept the things. I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. So that has been a guidepost for me ever since I left my first marriage. I was in therapy and going through everything and looking at my life and trying to just figure out how my whole upbringing, my childhood, how all of these things had impacted me. And how did it leave me in a situation where I was in such an unhealthy relationship with a man and I needed help. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I, you know, put myself in that victim seat and held onto it because awful things had happened to me. And that marriage ended really, and it ended not well. It was physically abusive.
It got to be, and it was mentally abusive. The emotional abuse was there for many years, and I understand why; why did I tolerate these behaviors? Why did I tolerate being talked to like that? Why did I feel like I needed to stay in a relationship that was not good for me? So I had to really do a deep dive into a lot of work because, you know, leading up to that, I really just felt like God was just dumping all this stuff on me. Why, you know, why, why God, I really fell into this, of, you know, well, I should be with this man because I am pregnant and we are supposed to be together. And this is supposed to be our, my family. This is, you know, I was pregnant out of wedlock, and I just thought, well, it's him.
So maybe he's the one I should be with, and I tried to make something work. I don't regret trying to make that work, but we got married when she was eight weeks old. And then, you know, divorce papers were signed right before her second birthday. So it was a very short-lived marriage. And we were in marriage counseling right away. And people show you who they are. You can't trust that they'll tell you because their actions will clearly show you. And so the actions were there for many years and I just, I was in denial. I was in major, major, major denial. And at the end of that, you know, through questioning God and why it got to a point where how I made my decision was sitting outside with my mom and her asking me, you know, would you want this for Anna? Would you want her to stay in a relationship?
If when she's older, do you want her to be in this, you know, in this exact same spot? And the answer was clearly no, like, no, absolutely not. And so from there, I moved forward with the divorce because there were so many questions and doubts and he was gonna change, and he was this and that, and, you know, wanted it all to work out. But I knew that that inner voice in me was like, this is just not meant to be together. And as I tell my daughter, even after all of these years, and when she got older is, you are meant to be here, but your dad and I were not meant to be together. So I share that. And I hope that it gives you a little bit of, you know, insight or inspiration or just, you know, hearing somebody else's story, no matter where you are at in your journey and what you're going through, that you do have that innate ability.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
And I cannot stress enough that, you know, you, you are the only person that you can control. You can't control your partner, your boyfriend, your, your, your spouse, whatever situation that you're in your parents, even if they're influencing your decision at the end of the day, it's really between you and, and God and leaning on God and trusting him. You, you will get, you will get through it. So I <laugh>, gosh, it's just, it's tough because when you're in the throes of it, I can remember feeling so sick and so upset with worry, trying to work. I was trying to get my career going and being at work and having to stop. And like, my brain was just, I was on overdrive. I mean, I was filled with anxiety. I was filled with depression. I, you know, things just started to spiral, especially as I, you know, yes, wanted to move forward with the divorce.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Things just started to, like, just fall on me. And it was just super heavy, and it was a battle. It was a battle. It, and it still is, a battle at times to be obedient and to listen and to know exactly what you need to do with, but then actually have the courage, have the courage to follow through on what it is that you are supposed to do. So, you know, and you need to listen to that inner voice and you really need to find a trusted person that you can just be vulnerable with and share exactly what's going on in your life. And that person, I pray that they are there and they are ready, and they are the right person that you need to reach out to. And that they're going to help you, maybe see something in a different light, see something in yourself that you cannot see quite yet to help you get to that next level, because it is there.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
That next level is there. You will get to the other side. Life will be good. Again, if not better, there's no guarantees that life is supposed to be fantastic. Um, and well, they're gonna dive into all of this as we get to know one another, but you know, I'm reading a book now. I mean, and, and it's all really about just suffering. Like that's real, it's guaranteed. Like we are, that's what God really wants, because as we're all working on this journey, he's trying to build our character and nothing's supposed to be easy. There's, there's no anywhere, you know, there's no written word that life is supposed to be easy because it's not. We learn through those hard times. And we savor the really good times when we come.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Through to the other side might sound pretty cliche, but it, it is very true. So if, if you're having a hard time and you're thinking, oh my gosh, like I, Ugh, I just wanna puke. And she's crazy. Like this is my life is so terrible right now. It won't be like that. Think back to a time in your life. I really think because there has been another time in your life where you really had to work your butt off for something, and you might not have seen where the, where the fruits were going to come from. You didn't know how it was going to work out, but it did. And you persevered, and you got through it. You are a fighter, and you are a natural warrior. You are going to overcome and get through this. So with that, I'm gonna wrap up.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
As I said, I really wanna try to keep this a short episode, if you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and still haven't shared that with anybody. I do have, um, a handout how to tell people that you're pregnant, or really, if you're going through any difficult situation, you could definitely use it to apply and read a little bit more in-depth about those three steps that I was talking about earlier, download it, um, take it it's it's in the show notes or share it with somebody that, you know, that's recently found out. Maybe you're the person that they are coming to and you are offering them the support and finding resources for them. I highly recommend just get, um, grabbing that, download and sharing it with that person. Um, and just going from there. So I hope you are having a fantastic week. I am rooting for you.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
I believe in you. I am just always praying for you, praying that you and I are meeting one another for the very first time when we're supposed to meet. So I'm just so thankful that we've crossed paths and that you've stopped by the podcast. If, for some, you know, if, if this has resonated with you and you like the message, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review. Uh, so go ahead, do that. Wherever you're listening, this, it would be super, super helpful. And, I will catch you all next week.
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