006: Why NOW is the time to think about your deathbed and quit sitting on the sidelines of your life.
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Woo. All right. So we're gonna dive in, you know, today's episode might feel a little bit heavy. Uh <laugh> to many, it might feel heavy, but to others that have these same thoughts and feelings like I do, or maybe it's kind of in the back of your mind, and you've just never really figured out how to articulate it. We are gonna really dive in and talk about death just in terms of our big picture and where we're going. So I, you know, I wanna kind of make sure I preface this correctly. I mean, really, it, it, it's always kind of at the top of my mind, which might sounds strange, but just bear with me as we kind of dive in through this episode, I'm gonna share more about what I mean, and it's not really a dark and morbid depressing kind of way, but it's, it's a very natural part of life and it really helps me compartmentalize and make decisions.
(00:53)
So when I start to get super overwhelmed, you know, I, I always tell our students, look, you know, think five years from now, will this matter in five years? And if it's a hard yes or a hard, no, it's pretty easy to make your decision here in the moment. The same is pretty much true when you're kind of, you know, if you're looking at the whole scheme in the whole picture of your life, it helps to think about the end at the same time. And so I read a book few years ago that I'm gonna talk about, but it's called five wishes by, Hey, gay Hendrix. And this book changed my life. I mean, I <laugh> it, I was probably in my early twenties when I first read it and have read it a few times. And in fact, now that I'm recording this episode, I have it sitting beside me, you know, I kind of have the premise of it by heart.
(01:35)
Uh, but I realize I'm gonna have to reread this really, really soon because it's just so good. And in fact, I just delivered a eulogy a couple weeks ago for my grandfather. And again, it, this was one of the, the moments in my life and, and for you as well, just that, you know, death does make us stop. It makes us stop and question how we're spending our time. Is it in the right areas? Is it with the people that we love? Is it, are we focused on relationships that we wanna grow and nurture, or are we doing things out of what we feel like we should do? Because the media, the world are, you know, external relationships, you know, how you see other people live, maybe even on social media, you kind of play that comparison game and think you need to be doing something differently.
(02:31)
And it, uh, you know, it robs you basic, it, it robs us, it robs you. It robs me of living our true and authentic selves. So I am all about stepping in to our power and living our absolute best life. So, and just, and having just, you know, true intentionality with our time, because time is our most precious commodity. You know, we know this, we, we, it, we, we're not gonna get more resources. We only have a finite amount of time that we're here on earth. So my goal, you know, when I'm working with students in the unplanned mom school and just with this podcast and really anybody that I interact with, I hope to inspire and leave people feeling like they're on their path to living out their true purpose. I know for me, as I'm stepping in and making changes and getting to know different people and just surrounding myself with people that are elevated more than me are in, at different places and in, in our lives.
(03:35)
But I'm able to see where I want to go. So all these things that I have in my head, I I'm be, I'm able to start in visualizing that it's within reach and the power of people around us and who we surround ourselves with and the thoughts and the information that we consume and put into our mind. So whether it is through online or through books or music or reading, all of these things are playing a part in just our overall health and our wellbeing. And ultimately our, you know, our, our in our in game, you know, how all, all of these things, every micro step that we take today and tomorrow is gonna add up to the big picture at the end. So, okay. All right. The book I'm gonna kind of just give you a little synopsis on the book. So those of you that are not familiar, five wishes, if you can't see me on camera, it's five wishes.
(04:32)
It is how answering one simple question can make your dreams come true. And I'm gonna put a link to the book as well in the show notes, because if you have not read this, I mean, it's, it's tiny. You know, if you're not a big reader, it's a very short, small book, very easy, very easy digestible book to read, but it's really just it's, um, foundational questions. And so there's five essential questions, which he, we refer to as the wishes, or I say, we as if I'm, if I had any part in writing this, but I didn't. So the wishes, you know, he just, he is a, um, psychologist. He was at a party and he got the gift of just an amazing conversation with somebody and a way of shifting his perspective from his present everyday life to a future imaginary deathbed. And from that moment that conversation, his, his life took a dramatic turn by picturing himself on death's door and asking one simple question, Hendricks had discovered his true purpose in life and committed himself to achieving it.
(05:38)
And now it's your turn. So that's just kind of a little, little snapshot of what the book is about. And, um, it's just so good. You know, there's one quote here on the back too. It talks about, you know, do you play in the game of life or do you just watch from the bench who that gets me, gets me every time, because when I was in seventh grade and I feel like I've shared this story many times, but I was on a basketball team and we had this amazing coach. And, you know, when you're in junior high, you don't realize the impact that some people are gonna have on your life and you know, the rest of your life. But this coach, every time before we would start practice, we'd huddle up and he'd read us a life quote. And you know, most of the quotes, I don't remember any of them, but I, however I do remember one quote and it was, it's a lot harder to sit on the sidelines of life than it is to be in the game.
(06:29)
Well, at that time, I didn't, I, it didn't take me long that I, I, I started to apply it to the game because I, I was messing up. I was a starter and I was not performing well, I got benched. So I didn't get to start a game. I remember the school that I was at. I remember the gym. I remember that feeling sitting there being so upset and frustrated with myself that I was sitting there on the bench and I wasn't in, because I knew I should be out there. I could do what needed to be done. I, I wanted to be in the game. I was a starter. So that feeling stayed with me from, you know, the time I was 13 to almost 38, 38 in two days, that feeling has stayed with me my entire life. And I can tell you, there have been big chunks of time that I've been on the sidelines.
(07:13)
And it's the same feeling when I had, when I was 13 sitting on the sidelines of life sucks. It's no fun. So, you know, for me, this is what it looked like. I was eating too much drinking, too much, watching too much television. Um, just spending time on things that really didn't matter and did not fill me up. I, I was not happy in my job. And instead of really getting serious and doing the inner work that I needed to do at that time to make some serious changes, I kind of just stuck with it because I had an okay job. I was paid, all right. It was, you know, I had the traditional job and, and for me it was just so sucking and it just ate at me because it was not the right thing for me. So everybody is different where I made some significant changes is when I started to practice gratitude.
(08:12)
So, so simple, but you'll hear pretty much every expert under the sun, anybody that has any major level of success, they talk about the importance of practicing gratitude. And I start, I I'd started and stopped that throughout my life, but I really got serious about it in the fall of 2019. I mean, I'd had enough. I I'd been through enough. I was, I was, I was really, I probably just kind of hit a rock bottom with my weight, my life, just the feeling just like blah and not, and not in my element and feeling like things were adding up and made sense to me. And so that's really where things started to shift and change in my mind is when I started to practice gratitude from there, it turned into finding other people that were like-minded connecting with other people, um, that were where I wanted to be and could see myself in them.
(09:13)
And I was, I, I love to be around positive and encouraging people that talk about amazing ideas. And so I I've, I've, you know, little by little day by day, I work on that and that has been instrumental in my growth and change and development. And then lastly, kind of really going full circle is getting plugged into a great church and really finding myself in a church and connecting with God and growing my relationship with God in a way that's never been done before. And I, I'm not saying this, I don't want to discourage anybody because I've listened before and I'd hear other people talk about this. And I would think how, why or I, I, I, I can't even really articulate it now because I'm, I'm in just a different space in the sense that I can't imagine going back. It's almost like when you do have a kid and you're really nervous and you don't know what life's gonna be like when that baby's here, but once that baby's here and you meet that baby and you hold the baby and I mean, you're instantly in love.
(10:21)
And you think back to how your life was before that baby was born and you can't even imagine what life was like before the baby was born. So that's how I feel right now with my relationship with Jesus. So I, I hands down, you know, if, if you're feeling like you're missing out on something in your life and things you might, might look like you've got it all together on the outside, but there's just something missing inside of you. And you can't quite pinpoint what it is. I challenge you to start exploring your faith, turning to your higher power, asking God to help you to see and find faith open, be open to it when things come your way. So maybe you've got a friend or a neighbor. Somebody might even offer you an invitation here soon. Now that you're kind of maybe opening up to the idea of some form of a relationship with God, take those opportunities and just explore it.
(11:23)
It's kind of almost like, you know, whenever I, I was introduced to my husband, it was a blind date prior to that, I would go and, you know, I met other people didn't work out, but when I met him, I'm, I'm thankful that I said yes to that, to that opportunity. I didn't know what was in store. I didn't know how it would change my life. And, you know, you've gotta kind of think of it that way. And maybe that'll help you kind of think of that, um, relationship in a different way by, you know, posing it as a, you know, uh, a blind date <laugh> so, but Jesus is so forgiving. He's so loving and it's really incredible. And it's the best way I can describe it. Okay. I got a little off set off track there, but, um, get plugged into a church if you haven't yet.
(12:06)
And really, I just challenge you again, get, get involved where you can just be open to some ideas. And then again, we're gonna check out this book. I'm gonna share the link with you, uh, back to the book. I will just say again, I, for me reading this, talking to other people, because now that I have connected with others in this more self-improvement, self-help kind of phase in my life and career. A lot of people have read this book. <laugh>, it's been, it's been a game changer. I actually saw him, um, on a podcast of somebody that I knew. So that was really, really cool. So anyways, we're going, I recommend checking that book out and, you know, I just wanna remind you too. So if you have these same thoughts and feelings, maybe even before you kind of read this book to help validate those thoughts and feelings know that we're not weird, you're not weird.
(12:57)
I'm not weird for us to have these thoughts and feelings. I think it's very normal and natural to kind of think about it. Sometimes I, you know, I've spoken to some people and they don't get it. And then I almost feel like I should be ashamed or there should be this it's morbid that I think like that. And I'm telling you, it's, it's not at all. I think it's very important because our time here on earth is only so limited. And so we have to start thinking about, you have to think about time, that way you have to of course, be in the moment and enjoy and savor every second, because we don't know how long we're going to be here, but you also, I think have to have another wide lens view to your life and think about how you wanna feel when you are at the end.
(13:44)
Um, and so I just think it's wonderful. And if, if looking at the end is too much. So a lot of times what we do and the unplanned mom school, for example, I've had many conversations where I am coaching and working with women. And oftentimes not everybody in the unplanned mom school, but oftentimes we are recovering people pleasers, or you are a people pleaser. And either way, it's, you wanna be liked. You are successful, you are driven, you have come so far in your life already. You're either you're going through your pregnancy. You're on the other end. You you've gone through life and you know enough, but you have enough, um, wherewithal to want to keep other people happy. You, you know, it's just, it's in your nature to be that way. And so what I will tell our students, if, if something's coming up for them and they, it doesn't feel an alignment for them.
(14:42)
You know, for example, uh, you know, somebody worked in the service industry and a very influential, um, hyd. And she, you know, was being asked to stay or to do extra little things after she had her baby. And it, you know, she wanted to be home with her kids, but then at the same time, she wanted to be there and helping with, with her coworkers and her team members, they didn't have kids in home and that doesn't disregard their time at all. If she wanted to help, I said, you need to stay and help, but if you need to go home and you wanna be home, you wanna be home. When your daughter goes to bed, you wanna help put her to bed and see her husband, then you're, you're going to have to tell people no. And the biggest aha moment for her was I said in five years, is it gonna matter that you had to get uncomfortable and tell your coworker?
(15:36)
No, sorry, you can't do it. You don't know where an explanation, but no, sorry. I cannot do it. Or is it gonna be, um, harder to say no, that you missed out on time with your, with your family five years from now, which one's really going to make the difference. And it was, you could just see this light bulb moment go off in her mind. That was like, oh my gosh. Like, yes, like, yeah, duh, I really just wanna be with my family. That's what matters. I'm there. I wanna do my work. Of course I'll help if I can. But you know, kind of having a plan too, when you're stepping into different things is, is really helpful. And, um, that's one thing that we work on that's, you know, really key is working on learning how to take care of ourselves, making decisions following through on those decisions, because what I've found throughout my life, when you start trying out new things, setting new boundaries, the universe is going to say, wait a second, and it's gonna test you.
(16:35)
You're gonna get more opportunities to really have to get uncomfortable to say no, or to make some significant changes. I promise I'm gonna get somewhere again to tie this all to the end here in just a few minutes. But so this is really, really key. If you have anything, if that's one big takeaway, I really hope that you take that away is, is, you know, think about, start to think about things yes. In the moment. But again, more big picture five years from now, is this going to matter? And so you're, you're not, you're not gonna be selfish for doing this. Um, it doesn't make you a bad person, but you centering and taking care of yourself is gonna make you show up for everybody else in your life. Even your coworkers, you're gonna show up a million times better when you protect yourself and your energy by saying no to some things.
(17:32)
Okay. So going back to my deathbed and the eulogy, I'm gonna kind of tie this, tie this together a little bit. So the book five wishes, one of the key questions and is the key question is how do you know, how am I gonna feel when I'm on my deathbed? So my grandpa actually passed away back in April and we just had his big celebration of life. So I had the honor and the privilege to give the eulogy. And it was, it was nice, nice, but not again, like not in a weird, weird way, but it's just crazy how one person can bless so many generations and change the course of so many different people's lives. You know, as I stood up there on the altar, it was amazing to look out and just see, you know, there was a, there was just a room full of life, a how his life affected each and every single person that was sitting there, whether they're by blood or not work, his crew, that he'd go and hang out with every day and have his coffee and breakfast with at McDonald's.
(18:47)
It was, it was really powerful to be there. And to know, and one of the main stories that I shared was about a decision that he made as a young man. So he grew up in New York and he knew that he needed to leave where he was from because where he was at, all of his friends were just kind of drinking partying. And this is back in the what, forties, fifties, somewhere in there, it was a long time ago. And so he just knew that he had to make some significant changes, be around a new group of people. If he was ever going to live a life that he wanted. And in his mind, he always knew that he wanted to have a family. And so by him moving from New York and getting a scholarship and going to school in St. Louis, you know, from there, he met my grandmother and they married, they had their kids.
(19:47)
But, um, I just, you know, when he, when he talked to me and told me that, and it, it was older, I was old, you know, I was older in my life when I finally asked him, because, you know, as a young, as an adult, I thought, well, I started to really kind of think like, how and why did he come to New York and stay in St. Louis? Yes. I knew, I knew that he was here and he was for school. It was for school and blah, blah, blah. But what was the reasoning behind it to leave his mom and his friends? You know, what, what was the reason behind it? And he just said, I, if I would've stayed there, I would have been, I would've been hanging out with my friends and going down the wrong path. And I, you know, don't know how my life would've turned out.
(20:29)
And so I just, I just think it's incredible. Um, and we all have that power in us. We have that power. Um, you know, when life is, is formed, we have the power to change and transform. Like we're here for a reason, unborn babies are here for a reason, and all of us are here and going to affect people in many different ways. And thinking about that and decisions or regrets, or, um, how, you know, kind of the domino effect, you know, which way are you gonna go? Is it gonna be a turn for the good or the turn for the bad and, you know, sin and doing bad things is a lot of times more easy. And it's, you know, very, it's much more alluring at times. And so to stand and make positive changes and be more on a path of, of good versus evil, isn't easy, but I do think it's much more rewarding.
(21:31)
And so, um, I don't know, just, I want this to be a reminder that you matter your children matter your salvation and eternity matter. So whether or not you're facing an unplanned pregnancy or some life altering event, some illness accident, divorce, any major relational problems, issues, whatever you're going through, know that it's, it's set up by design and it's set up by design by God. So it's, it's here to test you. These opportunities are here to mold you and to form you into the person that you're gonna be in heaven. And so, you know, your child has got a purpose just as I said, as, as we all do here on earth. And even though we really don't understand it, or if, again, if you are pregnant and you, and the timing isn't ideal ideal, I know. And for me in my life, it was so hard.
(22:24)
It was really hard for me to kind of grasp that idea. But when it did, I, I knew, I knew that my child had a purpose. Um, she's got a purpose and life comes. Life comes from life, which I just is. I is miraculous. I just think all in it of itself is life is pretty, pretty cool. And life comes from the miracle maker. So the, the miracle maker, he knows, ultimately what's best for us. We don't have that crystal ball. Thank God. Uh, we cannot dictate and, and foresee the future. And so all we can do is really try to make the best choices we can each and every day. So right now, I, this was kind of a heavy episode. I want you to just take a deep breath with me. Let's just take a deep breath, inhale, and then exhale out.
(23:17)
And let's just know that we, we have to trust the journey. This is our only journey here on earth and picture yourself, you know, right now lying on your death bed. So you're laying there. Maybe it's, um, I always imagine the movie evening, but you're laying there. You're in bed. You're, you know, start to hallucinate. And you're thinking about your past, your past and decisions that you've made. But I want you to think about that woman that you are when you're laying in your deathbed. Do you have your family around you? Do you have children around you? Who, who is around you and are you able to look back and wonder and all at this time that you're in right now? So whatever period, whatever season you're in right now, future you is dying. Are you okay with where you're at? Are you okay with those big major life decisions that you're having to make? Are you proud of the decisions that you had to make? Are you proud of the life that you created?
(24:28)
I don't think you'll ever regret giving life. I don't, I I've, I've never met a single person that has regretted giving life. I've met many women that have regretted ending life. And so I've never met somebody that regrets giving life, no matter where you're at in your life, your life stage, I've never met somebody. And, um, I can tell you I've met quite a few people. And even when I was pregnant in college, I was amazed at the amount of people that came up to me and told me that, you know, knew me casually or, um, didn't know me at all. And when they really could start to see that I was pregnant were just pretty much in shock at all, that I would be there and be on campus and be pregnant, but would confide to me and, and that they had abortions and they regretted it.
(25:21)
Never had somebody come up to me and say, I had an abortion. And I'm so glad I did. What are you doing? You know, maybe the early days, you know, when I you're, you're not showing people would be a little more forthcoming. And I did have some people, of course, that thought I was ruining my life by having, by having a kid and, um, had some difficult conversations, but I stood true to who I was and who I wanted to be and what type of life I wanted to have. And even though I was going through something so hard and not very many people, well, not anybody in my immediate circle was going through it. At that time. I knew that when I was older, I would look back on that time. And it would be a pivotal moment in my life. So walking through it, no matter how hard it was, it it's manageable.
(26:08)
It's doable. It's not a death sentence. Uh, no, again, nobody has any guarantee to get outta here alive. Nobody has any guarantee to get from point a to point B without any injury or harm. So, you know, why would we, why would we look at that any differently? So unforeseen issues can come up, financial stressors come up, there's all sorts of things that come up and, um, you know, thinking about that end, end result and how you want your life to be is, is just instrumental in finding peace. And I wish that for you, I wish that you find peace and hope and faith that no matter what's gonna come your way in life, that you know, you're going to get through it, you're gonna get through it. It's all, it's all gonna be all gonna be good. So, all right. If, of course, if you're listening to this and you got somebody that, um, you're thinking of, and, you know, they're maybe going through something really challenging as well, I would love it.
(27:19)
If you would share it with them, uh, share this episode with them, or even go, go to where you listen and just, you know, either hit some stars, five stars would be awesome or leave a quick review. It just helps to make sure that we show up and, and get into other people's ears and help get this message out there and really reach those that are looking to find purpose and meaning and trust and know that there's, you know, anybody that's facing an unplanned pregnancy, you're not forgotten. So whether you're extremely affluent, you're below poverty line, th this place is for really encouraging women of all different backgrounds, all different diversities. Um, and just knowing that God has a bigger plan for you. There is a purpose, um, and you know, it, it does all, it, it always works out. It does. So if you haven't, if you didn't listen to last week's episode, it's all about money and just kind of those mind mindset shifts.
(28:19)
If you are struggling at all financially, I talk about this, um, money mindset. I think it's episode five, take a list, take a, listen to that. And then I'm gonna attach this in here as well, because I've had so many people message me and tell me that they are doing this and how it's affecting their lives. So if, if I can, if I can kind of instill one thing that's gonna come out of this podcast is by, by golly, is I'm going to help you get into the habit of setting your goals, being really intentional with your gratitude, your daily practice of gratitude. So I have a workbook that just outlines this as process. I encourage you to download it. It is for free. You can grab it on the website, or like I said, on the show notes, but you can go to unplanned mom, school.com find any other resources over there as well.
(29:11)
Um, if for any reason you don't get it, communication's always open. So all the different ways to reach us, we love hearing from our listeners and, uh, just really, really excited for you and know that whatever whatever's happening here on the unplanned mom school, things are unfolding. Doors are gonna be opening, um, here really soon for some big and amazing things. So I'm super excited about it and always stay tuned and come check out the website, follow along on any of our social channels. Again, links in the show notes. If you are, you know, this content's resonating with you, you're looking for some more help or want some more free resources or looking for a speaker for one of your events, all that stuff is there. Or all the ways to contact us is all, um, listed and broken out there. So, alright, lastly, you will be okay. No matter what you're going through, you are gonna be okay. So I just am gonna sign off with that. Wishing you all the peace, love and prosperity coming your way, and I will catch you next week.
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Links mentioned in this episode:
★ The book Five Wishes by Gay Hendricks
★ The movie Evening
★ Sign up for the newsletter to learn about the upcoming workshops
★ Check out our website at www.unplannedmomschool.com
